From the First Three Months Until Now...

I have gone back and forth on writing this because every time I sit down (rare occurance with two kids) to do so I can't quite find the words. I've written and saved this multiple times, but finally wanted to put these words down for others to read. 

Four years ago (wow,) Dalton and I began our journey as parents when we made Elliot's adoption official and he became our son. We had no idea what we were doing with an almost-three-year-old. We had been married almost two years at that point and jumped into parenting a toddler very quickly. I've talked about this before, but Elliot was born at 26 weeks. The first three months of his life (from what we have gathered from translated paperwork) were spent in a hospital. He wasn't in the hospital with family members anxiously awaiting his time to come home either; he had no family caring for him. I can't even type those words without my eyes filling up with tears because it literally cuts me to my core. For three months, he fought for his life and the Lord watched over our little blessing who we didn't even know existed yet.

I'm not writing this to make you sob at your computer or feel bad for him; I'm writing this because I have learned so much about the first three months. You see, after his first three months, he was finally put into a foster home where he would spend some time in before being moved to a second foster home before meeting us. I cannot speak with certainty, but most likely for those first three months he was not held much, talked to, smiled at, or comforted regularly. His nurses and doctors probably did a wonderful job, but as their shifts ended each day, there was nobody comforting him like a baby should be.

Flash back to two years ago. Our son, Kipton, was born on January 7th of 2020. When I think about how different Elliot's first three months were compared to Kipton's, it breaks my heart. From the moment Kip woke up each day to the moment he was laid down in his crib, he was looked at, sung to, held, smiled at, and nurtured. We responded to his cues. If he was hungry, he was fed. If he was tired, we rocked him or held him until his eyes got heavy and he fell asleep. When we changed his diaper, we talked and sung to him and watched him smile. Even as a small infant, he knew he was loved. 

When we adopted Elliot, we knew the journey would not be easy. We didn't go into it thinking it would be as simple as just taking a child under our care and making him apart of our family with all things going on our way. The only information we were really given was that he was born premature at 26 weeks, it was  noted in his chart that his biological mother had mild mental retardation, and that she never came to visit him the 3 months that he was in the hospital as a newborn. Those are hard words to read and to swallow, I know. We knew it would be hard, but if I'm being honest with you, I didn't know it would be THIS HARD. We spent 7 weeks in Hungary and some of those days were excruciating for me as a new mother. Elliot didn't have much to do with me and would scream and cry if I tried to hold him or touch him in public. There were plenty of good days, but the hard days were rough. We talked with our social workers and just continued to pray that the connection would come. Thankfully today, we are way further from those days in Hungary, but the attachment issues still come around from time to time. 

Once we were home, Elliot spent most of his days with me for the first 4 weeks until we transitioned him to a daycare for me to finish out the last few weeks of the school year. He was three years old, but developmentally, he was much more like a two year old. He was learning English like a champ, but had difficulty understanding and following requests. He would get very frustrated with things, more-so than his peers and he could not wait his turn for anything without getting upset. Many times we would just skip any type of function that involved any sort of waiting (stores, holiday events, etc.) because we knew that it would lead to some sort of tantrum. Thankfully he played well with his peers at daycare and his cousins, but we knew something was different about how he acted. He preferred (and still does) adult attention and interaction and is often seen sitting with the adults at a birthday party or kid function. Again, the attachment from birth that I talked about earlier comes into play here. He didn't have that interaction as a baby and therefore craves it now. 

We made it through our first year of being home with him with a lot of lessons learned, a lot of tears shed, and a lot of questions asked. I don't know how many times I wrote in my journal, "is it going to be like this forever?" and to be honest with you, it felt like it every time. Around 3 and a half, the behaviors really started to amplify. We finally left the daycare he was attending when I changed jobs, and he was able to attend a daycare at the high school. He was there from August to October, and that's when we saw that his behavior was much more than just "being a boy" or "being a kid." We were always being called or sent messages because he was such a difficult child in the classroom. It was taking 2 or more teachers to handle him each day (and we're not necessarily talking about just screaming tantrums- his was more of a refusal to do things). It was hard. I cried so much. Being a teacher, I know the expectations of the students I have in my own classroom, and to know that your child is being the disruptive one causing other students to not learn, is heartbreaking. After a lot of meetings with the staff there (who were so patient with us) and our social workers, we decided to try something else. 

In October of 2019, we requested that Elliot be given a comprehensive evaluation to see if he would qualify for Special Education services. If you had asked me eight years ago when I started teaching how I would feel about that, I probably would have cried and wanted to try anything else first, but as a mom, I knew that we needed to do what was best for our little boy. I don't look at services such as that being a "label," anymore and I'm so thankful that in today's times we are past that point now. He qualified for "other health impairments," which we expected because he has a lot of weakness on his right side (the doctors assume he had a stroke in utero). He was able to receive OT and PT through the school and we drafted his IEP within the next week of getting his ruling. Later that month, he moved to my school and was placed in Mrs. Alison's class. 

Alison and her assistants worked tirelessly with Elliot. He loved going to school and he loved his peers. We still saw a lot of defiance and refusal to do things that were asked of him at school and at home, he threw the worst fits about anything. We just kept praying and starting each day fresh. We praised him on his good days and tried to figure out what things worked and what things didn't. Right before we had Kip, we were told that Elliot was going to move into Mrs. Karen's room because she had students who were more of his age, so the day after Christmas break (and the day that his brother was born), he moved to a new classroom down the hall. Mrs. Karen and her assistants worked with Elliot so well over the few months before COVID hit, but it seemed like nobody (including us) could really figure out what made Elliot "tick." He loved going to school but only wanted to do what he wanted to do. A reward would work for a few days and then it was worth nothing to him the next week. The tantrums at home got worse and we still avoided going places that we didn't have to go to. We were all at a loss. 

During the months of March-July of 2020, Elliot, Kip and I were home together just the three of us most of the day. Those months were hard for everyone, but as a mom to a newborn and a mom to a five year old trying to stay in a routine, they were tough. Elliot THRIVES with a routine. We had charts on the fridge that had our schedule for the day from the moment he woke up until about 4:00. He had a choice board of things he could pick from. You name it, we had it. It made our lives work and brought a lot of peace into our home during those few months. 

In August, he started Kindergarten in Mrs. Null's class and because of COVID, we had a distant learning day every Wednesday that year. The first two weeks of school were great (and we've learned that those two weeks seem to be his "honeymoon phase" before the real behaviors start). After those two weeks, they were experiencing the same things as in previous years. Now it was having more of a negative impact because he was interfering with his peers' education. On distant learning days, he stayed at the school with me and I always dreaded those days (I know that's awful to say, but they were SO hard). I was trying to do my job, help him with his packet of school work and manage his behavior all day long. You can ask my co-workers, I was not a fun person to be around on Wednesdays. All in all, Kindergarten was a hard year. We managed to make it through it and Elliot learned a lot, but we still knew that something different needed to happen for him to be more successful in the classroom. 

The summer of 2021, we saw some improvement and maturity in him outside of school. Dalton and I would go somewhere and later say, "well that wasn't that bad" or "Elliot, you did a good job waiting in that line." Little things like that were a sign of hope for us. He started 1st grade in Mrs. Pierce's class this past school year and to be honest, we were nervous starting the year. Again, he had his "honeymoon phase" and then not long after, the behaviors started back. This time it involved refusing to do his work, defiance, disrupting the class instruction, and hitting. Every day he was coming home on red or orange and his teacher and I were talking every day after school. We changed things in his IEP, but knew that more had to be done. His teachers were doing everything possible to ensure that he was learning. They gave opportunities after opportunities, but nothing was working and it was exhausting to us all. We soon made an appointment with a clinic in Hattiesburg to have Elliot tested. 

This is the part that is hard to write. No mom or parent or anyone wants to have their child "diagnosed" with something, but we also knew that we needed more help than we were able to give Elliot ourselves. We met with Dr. Kent at Connections (cannot say enough good things about that place) after Elliot's testing was complete, and he was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). I have taught plenty of children with ADHD and two with ODD, so I knew what that looked like. It was hard as a parent and for me as a teacher to hear those words with my child's name attached, but the Lord continued to tell me, "it's going to be okay... this is not a label for him... it's going to help him." In early November, Elliot started some medication to help him with his impulses and attention. Within a week, Elliot's behavior calendar changed from reds and oranges to ALL GREENS. Yes, you read that correctly, all greens. His teachers could tell a difference and we could tell a difference at home too. His doctor met with us shortly after and was so proud of Elliot. He told us, "you know, this medication is not making him act right, but it's allowing him the opportunity to make the right decisions." I know that medication is not the cure-all, but if it is what enables our child to make the decisions to be successful, we will do whatever it takes. 

The past month and a half, he has made leaps and bounds. Just before Christmas, he and I did some Christmas shopping together and he went into five stores with me and walked around without messing with everything, waited in long lines and never once complained. I would have NEVER done that with him six months ago. He's able to communicate with us better when he's frustrated, which is something that used to just result in a tantrum. He enjoys school more now because he's able to learn. It's made a world of a difference in his life and in ours. It's far from perfect, and he's nowhere near the "typical" child, but I've talked to so many adoptive moms and moms who have children with all sorts of needs and they all agree that there's no need for them to be the typical child. We just want Elliot to thrive being himself and be as successful as possible doing what he loves. 

Don't get me wrong... it has been a HARD JOURNEY and we know that there will always be bumps along the road. Anyone who has taught him or worked with him in any capacity knows that. He has such a huge heart, and we are beyond thankful that we get to shepherd him as his mom and dad. We pray for his heart daily. We are so blessed that God saw fit for us to have him, Kip and their baby sister in our family and we pray that we would always seek Him for guidance and for strength. He's sustained us these last four years as parents and as a family, and we know that he will continue to do so as the years continue. 

26 Weeks

Soon after Dalton and I started dating and knew we were serious about marriage in the future, we discussed what our family would be like. Both of us knew adoption was part of our plan. We had no idea what it would look like 5 years down the road once we were married. When Dalton proposed, he wrote me a letter that said, "I can't wait to start a beautiful, color family with you." Soon after we said, "I do," we knew that we wanted to begin our family through adoption. About 8 months into our first year, we  decided that adoption was our Plan A. Most of you know the story about Elliot, so I'm not going to backtrack on all of those details in this post (but if you aren't familiar, you can go back to my last few posts). 

We have now been home with Elliot for a year and a half, and some days it's hard to believe that it's been that long and other days I feel like he has been apart of our family his whole life. This past May, we found out we were expecting. We were over the moon for our family to be growing! I knew there would be hard times being pregnant with this baby and grieving the fact that I don't know anything about Elliot's birth mom or her pregnancy. Many times I've thought to myself, "I wonder how his birth mom felt when she found out she was expecting?, I wonder if she craved anything with him, What did she think the first time she felt him kick inside her belly?" These are all things that I will never know, so with this pregnancy, I have wondered that more than I thought I would. Adoption comes with a lot of unknowns, and until now his birth was such a foreign thing to me because I had never experienced it for myself. 

This week I am 26 weeks into our pregnancy. This baby is moving like crazy all of the time, and it is the best feeling ever! I love just sitting still and watching all of the movements. I've been sort of dreading this week in particular. Week 26. For those of you who don't know, Elliot was born at 26 weeks. We don't have many details on his birth mom or his birth, so we don't know why he was born so early. He was 1 pound and 8 ounces at birth. He stayed in the hospital for about 2 months. His birth mom never visited him after birth. It's absolutely heartbreaking. I have thought about his birth mom a lot over the past year and a half, but I especially think about her now. I wish I could talk to her. I wish I could ask her questions. I wish I knew. But since I don't know, I pray for her and I thank God that for whatever reason Elliot was born early and for whatever reasons she didn't visit him, that He knew Elliot was our Plan A from the beginning. 

Elliot has been pretty inquisitive about Mommy's belly and the baby lately. He asks things like, "Why you got a baby in there?" and I explain to him that Mommy and Daddy want him to have a baby brother or sister to love. He hugs and kisses my belly and says that he's going to read books and listen to music with the baby. We know he's going to be the best big brother! 

As Elliot gets older, we know that he will have questions about his birth and his adoption. We will be open and honest with him. Since we don't know a lot about his life before us, we won't be able to answer all of his questions, but we will make sure he always knows that he was chosen by God and by us. We pray that he and this baby will always have a close bond, and that the color of their skin will only be something that other people notice at first glance. We are thankful that God chose us to be Mommy and Daddy to these two little blessings and pray for a continued healthy pregnancy so these two can become the best of friends. 

One Less for One Year

     A year ago today, Dalton and I were in a foreign country together, unable to speak the language, on a two-hour van ride with people we had known for less than 24 hours headed to meet our son for the first time. As we walked into the house, we could hear Elliot babbling in the kitchen. I remember looking at him for the first time and my heart beating at least five times faster than normal. On that Wednesday morning, our lives changed for the better. We spent the next few hours doing whatever he would let us do, even if it was just sitting by him and handing him peanuts (see the picture below). We had our little boy with us, and that was all that mattered. We also learned that day that taking pictures with an unhappy toddler is near impossible. We weren't sure if the tears came because we felt like strangers to him or if it was too close to nap time. My guess would be a combination of the two. Our first day with him went better than we could have imagined and we were so ready to be back with him the next day. In Hungary, you have a week-long bonding time while your child stays at his/her foster home or orphanage, and then he gain guardianship for 30 days before you can legally adopt. February 28th marked the start of our forever with our sweet boy. 

 

                          Elliot let us hold him for the first time on our second visit.   

                                          Every milestone was celebrated. 

     We spent the next week coming to Elliot's house and bundling him up so we could go spend time away from his foster family to help with our bonding time. We visited lots of indoor playgrounds, went to the mall countless times, and got lunch. Every day we would bring him back to his foster mom after his nap. We were exhausted, but we hated having to leave him after spending so much time with him throughout the day.  

                                                 

                                        Our first outing              At the indoor playground

                                             

                                       Our first nap with us        Hanging out at the food court

                                  

     Our time in Hungary was very memorable. We spent a lot of time exploring as well as spending time indoors because all of the snow. We visited zoos, parks, rode the train to Budapest, and enjoyed being a family of three for the first time.

                                                 
                           Elliot and Mama at the indoor  Elliot and Daddy on the slide.     
                                        playground.                                                                                  

                                                    

                                Elliot with his new toys              Elliot got a fresh cut.    

                                                     
                                              We collected Disney stickers from the 
                                                 supermarket for our apartment.

                                                 

                                                         Our first train ride

                           
     Our time in Hungary was long. Six and a half weeks away from your home and your people is hard enough, but being first time parents away from all of that will really make you miss your home. We loved the time we were able to invest in Elliot during our time in country. We bonded together as a family without any distractions and we are so thankful for the process that allowed us to do that. On April 9, 2018, Elliot officially became a Newell. *cue happy tears* We spent the last few days in country exploring the beautiful city of Budapest. On the 13th of April, we were welcomed by all of our family and many of our friends for the first time as Newell Party of Three.   

                                      

                            Elliot became a Newell!!                 "Officially a Newell"

            

                                                             Our welcoming crew

     Once we were home, we started learning how to live life as a family of three. We had learned a lot in our adoption trainings and times with our social worker. We had spoken with several families who had adopted already. All of these things were great and really helped us tremendously, but sometimes we were in the trenches and days were hard and long. We learned very quickly how strong-willed toddlers can be. We knew that God had called us to this and that He would be with us during the good days and in the bad. We are incredibly thankful for Elliot. He was created for our family. Without a doubt, God was looking down on us on the day he was born.

     It's wild to think that Elliot has been with us for a year. We had dreamed and prayed about the day we would meet our child for years. February 28th will always be such a sweet day for our family. In the fun times, we thank God for His goodness, and in the hard times, we thank God for His grace. Elliot is such a loving little boy. He loves going to church, school, Peenie & Pop's house, and Sassy and Papaw's house. He loves food and usually makes a bit of a scene when he sees his food coming at a restaurant. He wants to pray for his friends every night. He says please and thank you. He loves to help around the house. He loves to snuggle and he loves anything that plays music. (We have gone through a LOT of batteries trying to make sure all of his toys keep working). There are moments in a day when he struggles to find the words he wants to say to us. He gets mad at times and can throw a pretty good fit when he doesn't get his way. But we are continuing to learn each other and we are learning what works and what doesn't work. Raising a kid is (mostly) trial and error. Dalton and I have learned from our mistakes, and we have learned that each morning brings a new day. We wouldn't trade these days for anything. In the moments when it's hard, I try to remind myself, "We could have missed this." We are so thankful that we never have to miss any of the tantrums (sometimes) and especially not any of the snuggles. 

         

                                   Library visit                    He has such a silly personality!

                                     
                                                Elliot's first trip to the beach

Elliot with his best friend/cousin, Falon

   

                                     

                              

E loves his sleep. I told y'all he was made for our family. 

He is obsessed with tractors. 

His first Halloween

                               

     Elliot spent his first Christmas with us this year. He loved Santa Claus and even got to  

          celebrate a Hungarian tradition by placing his shoes in the window for St. Nicolas. 

                               

                                                           

               Elliot has the funniest personality. He has grown up so much in this past year! 

Elliot's first trip to Disney World

Norbert Elliot Newell, 

You are so dearly loved. Thank you for making us Mommy and Daddy. We pray that you will always have such a big heart and a big personality. We pray that you would continue to love others as well as you do. We pray that as you grow you will continue to be nurturing, inviting, creative, and kind. We pray that you would always put Jesus first and that you would put others before yourself. You are such a special little boy and are going to great, big things in this world! We cannot wait to watch you as your grow (but Mommy prays that you will never outgrow her lap!)

We love you E!

Happy One Year Together!

Three

     Three years ago, Dalton and I became parents. We weren't married yet (and we weren't even engaged until 2 weeks later). Three years ago, our lives changed forever, and we had no idea. On May 28, 2015, our little boy was born. On the other side of the world, in a country we knew very little about, a baby boy made his arrival about 14 weeks early weighing only 1 pound 8 ounces. He was a fighter from the beginning, and spent a few months in the hospital before entering the foster system. He spent the next two and a half years in two different foster homes waiting on his forever family (us!) to come and bring him home.

     Three months ago (from this exact day) we met our son for the first time. Norbert, or "Norbika", which is what his foster family called him, means "bright" and "Elliot" means "God on high". The morning we met him, I remember both of us nervously sitting in the van on the way to his house. We held hands tightly and prayed because we had been waiting for this moment for so long. I remember walking into his foster home and seeing him standing in the living room. There wasn't a big moment like "here's your son!" or "that's your Mama and Daddy!", but it was more of "here are new people for you to meet." That first day we bonded over Hungarian music on the phone and eating peanuts together. Oh what a sweet first day it was! 

     Over the next week, we gradually saw our little boy's personality grow. He became more comfortable with us and wanted us to hold him, and he chose to sit with us. We took some day-trips into town and played and played until it was nap time. In all honesty, Dalton and I were always thankful for nap time because we were pretty exhausted too. We weren't quite used to keeping up with a toddler (and now we really appreciate nap time). Over the course of a week, we felt more and more like his parents and were ready for our 30-day bonding time. 

     The day we met Elliot's foster family to take him into our full-time care goes down as one of the hardest days of my life. His foster family loved him so much, and it was evident in the way that morning went. Elliot was eating cheese puffs and had no idea what was about to happen. Oh my heart just aches when I think of this moment and what must have been going through his little mind. His foster mom handed us a bag of a few more things she had not given us the day before and then handed him over to us with tears in all of our eyes. Ever since we started the adoption process, I prayed that our child would be loved deeply where he/she was before becoming ours, and Elliot truly was. There were many tears shed that day, but it was so comforting to know that all of this was God's plan from the beginning for our little man's life. He's loved by God, his foster parents, and Mama and Daddy (and lots of family and friends). 

     A week and half after we had met him, Elliot gave both of us kisses for the first time. That melted Mama and Daddy's hearts like nothing else! The next 30 days brought so much joy as well as learning experiences for all three of us. Dalton and I couldn't believe that he was finally with us! During those 30 days Elliot learned how to say "bye," ate lots of gelati, went swimming, learned how to count to 3, and became very sociable. His laugh became contagious and his big, brown eyes looking up at you would be almost unbearable. He felt more like our son with each new day. 

     It was tough though. Adoption comes from brokenness, and Elliot had not had a ton of consistency in his life prior to us. We were first-time parents trying to parent a strong-willed toddler. There were days (and still are) when he seemed to grieve his life before us. There were language barriers that made it difficult to understand each other. There were times (and still are) when we honestly had no idea what we were doing. As Elliot's Mama, I felt like I was failing him because there were times when he didn't really feel like he was mine (and that was a gut-wrenching feeling). But we got through it then and we get through it on the days here at home when it's hard. God's grace pours out on all three of us day in and day out. 

     On April 9th, Elliot officially became "Norbert Elliot Newell." Dalton and I still laugh about that day because in Hungary you don't go to a courtroom and sit in front of a judge or anything like that. We're pretty sure we initialed a piece of paper that signified that Elliot was officially our son while he sat in Dalton's lap. We had been prepared ahead of time, so we knew that the process was like that. We left the building that day with our little boy who was now forever ours. 

     Upon returning home, Elliot transitioned very well. He loved his new home, and the curiosity in his eyes for everything is so sweet to watch. Dalton went back to work a few days after we got home, and I went back to work two weeks later. Elliot did great with everyone who kept him while we were at work. We are so thankful that Elliot was ready to jump into life with us. If you know him, then you know he always wants to be on the go, whether it's outside, to town, or just in another room than the one he's in. He's grown up so much in the few short months that we've known him. He's funny, strong-willed, smart, loud, and super snuggly. We couldn't love him more! 

     Today is our sweet boy's third birthday. We would do anything to gain the past three years with him, but we are thankful that God knows his story from the beginning. Yesterday as we were getting ready for bed, I read the story On the Night You Were Born with tears in my eyes. At the end of the story, it says, "Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn on the wonderful, marvelous night you were born." I know, without a doubt, that God was looking down on our sweet boy the night he was born and that he was looking down on Dalton and me with a big smile. 

To my baby boy, 
     I am so thankful and truly blessed to call you mine. I have wanted to be a Mama for a very long time, and you are the answer to my prayers. I pray that you will always be proud of where you came from and that you will cherish all of the things that make you special. I pray that one day you will come to know Jesus as your Lord and Savior and that He will direct each and every one of your steps. My prayer is that you are kind, gentle, loving, truthful, generous, faithful, joyful, respectful, and humble in everything that you do. Always know that your daddy and I love you more than you could ever imagine and that we will be your biggest fans through life. 
We love you, son. Happy third birthday! 

What Our Students Need

I've double-checked the date twice today before 9:00 am-- it's July 28th. I'm pretty sure we skipped June or July somewhere in the middle of this summer heat because it seems like summer came and went rather quickly. Those of you who teach or work in a school are getting ready to go back. Maybe you've been busy all summer and you're ready for a normal routine. Maybe you've enjoyed sleeping in. Maybe you have children of your own and you've loved every minute of being with them all day, or maybe you're ready for them to get back to school too. Whatever your scenario is, it's time for us all to go back. 

As teachers, administrators, counselors, secretaries, and other school staff, the "going back" can sometimes be tough, but we should never forget how important our job is. To us, it's going back, teaching the same material and following the same procedures (that is, unless we've changed positions), but to our students they are coming in fresh, ready for a brand-new year. Sure they're going back to school, but they're not going back to the same thing that they left in May. They're going to a new grade, a new teacher, a new classroom, new peers, and new everything. They need us to be recharged and ready to go the moment they walk into our doors. Did you catch that last sentence? They need us. 

The students may come in slowly and somewhat unwillingly in the days to come, but mainly because sleeping in and staying up late is so much fun to them. Some of our students will be happy to get back to school on the first day just to see their friends. Sure, they probably spent some time with the neighborhood kids this summer, but they've missed their "school buddies." Some of them will be happy to be in a new grade because they've heard from older students all of the fun stuff they will get to do. Some may be thankful to be back because they now get to eat a good breakfast and a good lunch each day. They are all going to be excited for their own reasons, so we need to be ready to welcome them. 

So we'll start off the year strong because everyone is re-energized and ready to get going, and then come October, we'll be in a routine almost like on autopilot. Let's be real... it happens every year. But remember what I said earlier? They need us. They don't need us to repeatedly cram information into their brains like a robot. They don't need us to harp about behavior every five minutes. They don't need us to compare them to their older siblings. They don't even need us to do all kinds of crazy stuff to try to hold their attention in class. 

They need us to be fully present and aware. They need us to listen. They need us to care. They need us to stand up for them. They need us to challenge them. They need us to help them grow. They need us to believe in them. 

    There will be a child this year in all of our classrooms who nobody listens to at home. Maybe she is in a big family or maybe there's just not a lot of time when Mom and Dad are home and able or willing to listen. Be that listener for that child. Take a moment and ask about her day. It's that simple and will mean the world to the child.
    There will be a child this year in our classrooms who just needs to know that we care. Maybe it's a scraped knee, a fight with a sibling or friend, or a situation at home. We have to get to know our students so that they know that we care about them. Students who feel like their teachers care about them will feel more comfortable in the classroom and will most likely have more self-confidence . 
    Some child in our class may need us to stand up for them. Maybe there's a student bullying them or maybe someone doesn't believe what they said or did. When we know a child has done right, we need to be his champion standing up for him.
    There will be a child that really wants to succeed in the classroom and needs to be challenged to do so. She may not voice it immediately, but if we see that determination, we should help her grow and achieve it. Some students don't know how to challenge themselves, so they need our help to learn.
    Most importantly, all of our students (whether they admit it or not) want someone to believe in them. Some of them may have family cheering them on at home as well, but others may not. As educators, we may be the only ones who believe in some of the students who walk through our doors. 

We go back to school in just a few days. We will have students of all ages coming in our schools excited for a new year but yearning for our attention. Let's be fully present. Let's listen, care, stand up for them, challenge them, help them grow, and believe in them... not just because it's "our job" but because it's our calling. 

Thinking Lately, With a Ring on My Hand

     Ever since I was a little girl, I knew marriage was a big deal. I think as kids we just know because we hear grown-ups talk about it. I watched as Ariel fell in love with Eric and Cinderella fell in love with Prince Charming. I saw how they looked at each other and how they would do anything to be together. I also knew that a wedding was a big deal. Honestly, for the longest time, the three things that stuck out to me about weddings were: everyone dressed fancy, the bride and groom kissed, and they ate cake. I guess as a kid, it’s normal for those things to stand out.

     I also had a slight large obsession with Barbie dolls. I was one of those kids who had the whole town set up in my playroom and bedroom and I knew each of their names and what they liked to do. I was also pretty picky with my Barbies. I only had 3-4 guy dolls (except when I would take my brothers GI Joes because they had more muscles).  So needless to say, not all of my Barbies could get married. They had to fall in love first, which usually meant they would spend some time driving around town in their pink convertible going to get ICEEs, or going to the pool for a swim, or just hanging outside on the back porch.  Of course, as a child, I really had no idea what it meant to fall in love. I knew that I loved my mom and dad, but I also knew that I loved chocolate ice cream and kittens and riding my scooter. But ever since I was a little girl, I knew that when I grew up I wanted to fall in love and get married. I knew that boys had cooties and things like that, but I was pretty sure that they would outgrow those by the time they became adults. I mean, my mom and dad were married, so I figured he had to have outgrown them.

     So, I grew up. Yes, there were several heartbreaks throughout the years, but I knew that if God wanted me to be married, He would place that man in my life. In high school, I heard so many people say, “pray for your husband; pray for his heart; pray for where he is right now.” So, I began to do just that. However, it really wasn’t until the summer before my sophomore year of college when I really began to pray for the man I was going to marry. I had been praying over the years, but it wasn’t until then that I began to pray more specifically. I would pray things like, “God, I pray that you would watch over my future husband tonight,” or “God, I pray that you would protect his heart from the enemy and that you would guide his words and thoughts.” I would even pray, “God, I pray that my husband will want a big family like I do and that he will want to adopt one day.” I cried out to God and I promised Him that I would not date again until it was the man I was going to marry.

     Sophomore year rolled around and what do you know, Dalton came around. He had actually been around freshmen year, but we started to take interest in each other and started hanging out more and more. I thought I had freaked him out when I told him that I wasn’t going to date someone until it was the person I was going to marry, but thankfully he felt the same way. Whew! What an answered prayer! Over the next four and a half years, my prayers were answered and God even surpassed what I could have ever imagined. He brought a man into my life that loved and admired Him. He brought a man into my life that loved and respected me. He brought someone into my life who was goal-oriented and a hard worker. He brought a man into my life who loved people and loved serving others. He brought someone into my life who I could talk to for hours and laugh with until we could hardly breathe. He brought a man who believed in me, encouraged me, and prayed with me. He brought someone into my life who wanted the best for the both of us. And, as a huge plus, he brought a man into my life who wanted to have a big family AND wanted to adopt one day. God showed me just how incredibly faithful He is.

      I have known that I was going to marry Dalton for the past 4 years. Some may think that is crazy, but I knew after just a few months of dating, that he was the one. (And he’s probably the only person on this planet that can and will listen to me ramble on and on for hours). A month ago, when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife, I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. I’ve dreamed of that day ever since I was young. It was more than anything I could have ever imagined. In the beauty of it all, being together and being so in love, I thanked God for hearing and answering my prayers. 

     We have grown so much together and have grown so much alike over the past couple of years. Yes, we have differences and we both know that neither of us are perfect. We disagree at times and get into arguments. However, we do know that God’s grace is abundant and that He continues to remain faithful to us. We know that marriage is a commitment and that we have to work together. Of course, this whole marriage thing is new to us, but thankfully we’ve got some pretty awesome people in our lives to look to for encouragement, prayer and advice. Most importantly, the Lord is apart of our relationship and soon-to-be marriage. My prayers continue for my future husband, who now has a name. I not only pray for him, but I pray that I will be the godly wife that I need to be for him and for our marriage. I’m writing all of this to share how God has been faithful and how He is continuing to work, but I’m also writing this to ask for your prayers and we begin a life together. We can't wait to start a life together!

     Oh, and like I said earlier: I guess all it took to fall in love was a ride around town in a pink convertible to get ICEEs (but I guess riding around in a grey Altima to get Frosty’s works just the same).  

The First Year of Teaching

     Growing up, my play room was filled with white boards, markers, transparencies and make-shift overhead projectors, calculators, red pens, and a "classroom" full of make-believe children who had their names in a grade book and everything. When anyone would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always answer with, "a teacher." Of course, throughout the years I changed my mind a few times, but eventually during my sophomore year of college I knew that I was meant to be a teacher. Fast forward to senior year when I began student teaching and thought to myself, "I could never teach below third grade." Then as a student teacher, I got a group of first graders that proved to me that I really could and really would love to teach first grade. After graduation, I was a long-term substitute for a few months. I continued to pray that God would open an opportunity for me to teach in first or second grade. I interviewed at several places, and then I received a phone call that led me to where I am today. I started this time last year and finished up the two and half months of the school year with a group of first graders. Then this year, I had my very own classroom with my very own students. This is where it all started.

Let me recap some of my thoughts going into the first day of school:
1. Wow, this is my classroom! Wait, this is my classroom, it has to look good for the first day.
2. Will their parents think I'm too young to be their children's teacher?
3. What do I do if they cry on the first day of school?
4. Wow, I am responsible for these little humans and expected to teach them what they need to know.

Those are only some of my thoughts as the day began. Let's now fast-forward to where we are now, in March, where I only have about 50 days left with my little 'firsties.' I have learned a lot over the past 7 and a half months-- some things that I expected and some things that completely caught me off guard. I learned that college courses can't really prepare you for all of the things you will learn by being a first-year teacher.

I've learned that having a cute classroom with a fun theme is a good idea, but that the students will
soon look past all of that.
I've learned that getting to work 25-30 minutes early a few times a week will really make your day go smoother.
I've learned that going to colleagues for advice is always better than just figuring things out on your own, but that I'm also capable of making good decisions for my classroom.
I've learned that it's good to share ideas and ask for help, and that it's not a sign of weakness.
I've learned to fully appreciate my assistant in all that she does to make my classroom the best that it can be.
I've learned that staying after school for 2 hours only makes you more tired the next day.
I've learned to set high, but attainable, expectations for my students.
I've learned that if you give a child a pair of scissors that he/she will cut more than just paper with them.
I've learned that the task of sharpening pencils is a coveted task amongst children, and you've seemed to let them down if you didn't choose them to do it that day.
I've learned that kids notice any slight change to the classroom (a new clock, a new poster, a new word written on the board) especially if it's added while they are at recess.
I've learned that kids want to be either the first in line or the last in line.
I've learned that just a simple look can calm them down and get them quiet.
I've learned that you're the best teacher in the world if you let them work problems on the board.
I've learned that grading with a red pen is my least favorite thing to do and that all papers should be graded with pink, blue, or purple pens.
I've learned that kids watch their teacher's every move and they pay attention to what you wear to work.
I've learned that it's good to change the seating arrangement every other month or so.
I've learned that is's okay if you didn't do that cute "Pinterest" activity of the month that everyone else did with their class.
I've learned that it's good to challenge kids.
I've learned that kids should learn to be responsible at a young age.
I've learned to show them respect and to show them that I trust them with things.
I've learned that kids are going to be mean to each other, and that they have to learn what it means to truly apologize and forgive.
I've learned that some children will act out for attention because they don't receive any at home.
I've learned that kids come to school cold, hungry, and sick and that I have to meet those needs before ever trying to meet their academic needs.
I've learned to pray for my students every morning on my way to work.
I've learned that I will be called "mom" on accident, but that each of them will become like a child to me.
I've learned that sitting on the carpet with them and playing a game makes me relatable.
I've learned that making up silly songs to learn new skills makes learning more enjoyable.
I've learned (and I'm still learning) that kids have to move around sometimes in order to learn.
I've learned that I can't fix every problem, but that I can do my best to love them and teach them each day.

I've now come to that point where I see my little 'firsties' as soon-to-be second graders, and it's hard for me to believe. I've learned so much in this first year of teaching, and I know I'll continue to learn as the years go on. Nobody could have ever completely prepared me for what I would learn and experience as a teacher. I'm thankful for those many years during my childhood where I pretended to be a teacher and I'm thankful for my own teachers who loved me and demonstrated how to be a great teacher.